Why I always still be a bit of a countryside girl

There will always be something of a country girl in me. 

However much I love London, and I do, I really really do, coming home for Christmas reminded me that I will always have a special place in my heart for views of the countryside. Outside my childhood bedroom stands Ivinghoe Beacon, a relatively big hill that has an imprint of a lion drawn in sand, even though I’ve been on hundred of hideously cold and long walks up throughout my nineteen years, I think it’s as you spend time away from things you realise how precious they really are. Looking from my window you just see rows and rows of fields before the beacon, sometimes they have hay bails in, sometimes cows (you just don’t want the cows to come into your garden, that’s a whole other story…) but it’s peaceful, unmoving and still at all times. At night I can peek out my curtain and most often see the moon and the stars.

I still can’t quite comprehend the infinite number of stars that are in the sky every night. Everytime I look at stars, I feel a sense of calm rush over me. I know that whatever happens, if you just look up, the stars will always be there to welcome. On a clear night in the countryside the stars are crystal clear, and that’s what I miss when being in London, always being able to see the stars.

Even the most annoying things I’ve grown to almost love – the birds tweeting early in the morning, the horrid smell of cow manure, the awkward moments in the village pub when you pretend to know everybody but in reality know one other person who isn’t your family.

Sure, when I’m here I get annoyed about a bunch of things - living so far away from friends, not having the tube ( or any public transport) in walking distance and being away from the hustle and bustle of the city. But coming back home after three months has made me realise that this is home. That, however happy I feel when I look out my window in London and see Canary Wharf, a part of me will always love the quiet and remote feeling you have when you live in a tiny countryside village.

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Finding my way

I’ve recently found myself asking what do I want my blog to be about?

And the answer is – anything and everything that interests me. I want to write about my world, the thoughts that are scattered around my messy brain, the places I like the most, the books I enjoy reading, my friends, my feelings. It’s hard to know how much you should put on the Internet, in a way I want my blog to be more of a personal journal, but I’m aware that it can only be so personal with everyone and anyone able to read it. But I’ve grown since I started writing this blog four years ago. I love fashion, and I love fashion blogging but if I’m honest, my passions have grown with me. Fashion blogging and outfit posts will always be close to my heart as that’s what started my blogging journey off but, things can change.

If someone asked me what I wanted to do with my life one or two years ago I would say be a fashion journalist without hesitation. However in the past six months or so I’ve realised that yes, I love fashion, but I wouldn’t say it was my passion. God knows what I’ll do with my life when I graduate in three years but I hope that it is something to do with writing – be it books, magazines, newspapers, even blogging! I love writing about things and that’s the direction I want this blog to develop.

In a way I want to write about books, but my fear is, and always has been is that people know much more than me so what right do I have to comment on a well known book? I’ve come to realise, that as an English literature student – and just as a human, I have every right to comment and have my own opinion on anything. I’m scared at putting my own judgements out there, but if I do eventually write for a living – whether it be any kind of journalist, author or absolutely anything– I need to be confident in myself.

So here it is -  new year, new blog? Not exactly, I’m evolving and growing as a human being and so is my voice and I just want to open this blog up to that change and not feel penned down by the expectations of being a fashion blogger. I’m a blogger, not caged in to one category but just trying to figure my way in the blogging world!

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