What I've learnt about friendships

This year I have learnt how to let go of one-sided friendships. I’ve had lots of different conversations with some of my university friends recently about friendships and what we should do when a friendship isn’t equal, or doesn’t make you happy. Now, I’ve had quite a bumpy ride with friends and friendship groups my whole life really, all I ever wanted to do was please my friends, but sometimes life happens or personality’s clash. Eventually I realised that a friendship needs to be equal and I like to think I’ve learnt what it takes to maintain good relationships with the people who you value the most (obviously I’m only 21 and I am well aware that I don’t know everything about life, but I wanted to share my thoughts of friendship as I move into a different chapter in my life). 

With most of my friendships throughout my life I have been the one who organises things – whether it is an activity or what film we are going to watch. I have a side of me that needs to be in control and organised, and this has flowed into my friendships. However, I’ve found that with me taking control in organising things, sometimes friends stop trying and just wait for me to organise when we meet up, and it hit me in the past six months that I’m fed up of being the only one who ever suggests to do something (which I therefore feel like I’m the only one making an effort in the friendship.) For example, there have been moments in my long term friendships when I decided I’m not going to be the person who texts first, I’m going to wait until they message me, but in reality, that experiment actually is quite sad and has gone with me not speaking to that person for a month or so, then finally giving in and texting with a passive aggressive ‘we haven’t spoken in so long!’ Some of those friendships have continued but others just haven’t; not because something happened, but I gave up trying to push for a friendship that wasn’t natural, or two-sided. Other friendships survive on a text every month, but those are the people who although I don’t speak to them everyday, I just know that they are there. All friendships are different, but this is just a trend I’ve noticed.

At university I often became close with someone through an activity – whether that’s because I saw them weekly in a seminar, or through clubs/work - and once that ended I tried to continue the friendship because I genuinely really wanted to, but sometimes people just don’t reciprocate and after a long while, I just stopped trying. And I’m not saying this to paint myself as a great person or anything, maybe I’m a hypocrite and maybe I never tried with a friend and I was the reason we grew apart. But I am just describing what I have noticed over the past year and what I’ve learnt from it: You have to put in effort for a good, balanced friendship.

I’ve never really properly argued or fallen out with anyone, all my friendships just grow apart because of the way life has taken us. In a sense, it almost feels worse. It’s such a horrible sinking feeling when you realise you’ve grown apart from someone you used to speak to everyday. Some friendships withstand distance and can survive on occasional texts, others just can’t, and that’s okay. Every person you’ve had in your life was there for a reason. 

But what I do preach is that if someone wants to be your friend, they will try – they will make time for you, they will text you, they will care about you – and if they don’t, then go and find someone else because everyone is worthy enough to have a best friend that they can text absolutely anything to. 

I have had this blog post written for about two weeks but was actually quite nervous to post it. I’ve always wanted to write more personal posts on my blog, but have been scared with how much to share and conscious of the people in my life. The topic of friendship is something that has grown incredibly interesting and important for me and I just wanted to share my thoughts. I’d love to know anyone else’s thoughts on one-sided friendships and what it takes to maintain a good friendship. Feel free to drop a comment down below, or tweet me your thoughts!

Thanks so much to Nicole for snapping these fab photo's! 

Rainy Cities, Magical Worlds and Future subjects: A General Life Ramble

Hi there, I'm back again. This blog is turning into a one post per week type blog and although I'm not really okay with that I'm just trying to juggle everything and sometimes it proves difficult. So today I thought I would go on a good old ramble about life because I haven't taken outfit posts in about 4 weeks and sometimes a ramble is just what is needed. So grab a cup of coffee and enjoy...

 I'm not actually that big fan of the rain. I hate being outside in it and it generally just makes everything gloomy but sometimes I find it quite calming. There's a romantic side to the rain, it reminds me of the Taylor Swift lyric -

There's somethin' 'bout the way the street looks when it's just rained 

There's a glow off the pavement, you walk me to the car 

And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there 

In the middle of the parking lot,

 There's a sense of vulnerability if your stuck outside in the rain and a sense of strength if your shielded inside, either way I think it can be seen as as a really interesting concept. Then this photo just stood out to me because as you know I am a sucker for cities and right now I would love to be stuck inside looking out at a rainy city and all the different mix of people that would run past.

Over the past couple of weeks I've returned to the world of Hogwarts, Muggles and Butterbeer and was reminded of the fact that 'Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home' (All hail Queen Rowling.) I was instantly transported back to the world of Harry Potter and it made me feel warm inside. It was like going home to such a familiar setting, people and story. I think I almost forgot how much I love the world of Harry Potter but recently I have been fully reminded and now know that you can never fully leave it.

However much I dislike getting up at 6:13 (Yeah, I'm one of those weird alarm clock people) every weekday I know there is something worth getting up for; the transportation of the day from dark to light and being awake in that hour, I get to see most days. It's so beautiful, seeing the sun rise from a misty cloud of grey to a beaming shade of orange. And do you know what I can't wait for even more? When it is all frosty and even snowy and how the sun rays catch light of the tree branches and sparkle. It will make my mornings magical.

I'm really excited for the future (although pretty scared but that's a whole other topic!) Next September I will be packing my bags, saying goodbye to this village and going to university. I'm not sure where yet but in the past week I have got 3 offers and an interview so I am definitely going somewhere! One of the things I am most looking forward to is just studying English. Although I don't actually mind photography and history  (my two other Alevels) this photo just really excites me for when reading will be the main bulk of work I have to do. It will just be so good to just study one specific subject and not have my brain burnt out by all these various completely random other topics. I can't wait when all I study is English!

This past week I've been in bed with a nasty cough for half of it and to cure my boredom I went back to season 1 of The Vampire Diaries, and I love it even more than ever. It's just one of those shows that I will never get bored of. It captivates you, keeps you guessing and you fall in love with each character in their own way. I'm still not sure who I want Elena to be with in the end but I love watching every twist and turn in their messed up and totally unrealistic lives!

So there we go, my thoughts and random feelings at the moment. All of these images are from my tumblr so if you want more of my random feeling and thoughts head on over there for a more regular updates like this! Hopefully I will actually post soon, but I cannot make a promise to that!

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Brunch at Bills

 Last Friday evening I got a spontaneous text from my friend Ella to go to brunch on Saturday morning with my friend Bryony, I obviously jumped to this as I never really say no to food and 'Bills' has just opened in Berkhamsted! Now I've never been to a Bills but have heard about it and there was a lot of happy buzz when they announced they were opening, so I was obviously eager to check it out. I got a cappuccino and the 'blueberry and buttermilk pancakes' but opted for without the banana, and they were delicious, like literally mouthwatering good!

 We then went on to go and see The Maze Runner. Now I've watched the trailer and heard a bit about this but hadn't researched it that much. Normally when I see a dystopian film based on a book I would have read the book months prior to it, however I was un-prepared and hadn't read it. So I therefore only understood what the film told us, I had no background knowledge. I found it really interesting to watch and am now, probably, 80% sure that I'm going to go and read the first book now!

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Short Hair...?

 Short hair has been coming back in for quite a while and the 'short do' seems to be the hairdo of 2014. Ever since Isabella wrote this lovely piece about hiding behind her hair I've questioned myself if I do that. It also struck me about complements; if I get a compliment it often has to do with my hair and although I'm flattered, it sometime feels like the only good feature I have. Then two other of my favourite bloggers, Bonnie and Lily gave their hair the chop. And it looks amazing, tempting me even more!

 I have had my hair really long forever and would like it to be even longer however it takes a lot of effort to work with all the time. Quite often I just stick it up into a bun because I can't really be bothered to deal with it! Although, knowing me, I would spend the same amount of time on my hair it feels like it would be slightly less to deal with. The prospect does scare me quite a bit but I'm really quite tempted to take the plunge and have a chop, What do you think? Do you think it would suit me?

Now Playing - A Life That's Good by Lennon and Maisy Stella

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