I'm (attempting) to write a novel: part two

I feel a bit like a fraud to be honest. For the last few weeks I've been meaning to write an update on my novel as, since before the weekend - it was going really well. I had hit some obstacles but had moved over them quickly and had written around 16,000 words. Which in terms of a whole novel, isn't that much, but it seemed like I was getting there. I was writing some really exciting scenes, getting into the characters more and just getting my feel of my book, it's world and it's characters.

Then Sunday came at YALC. I still haven't finished my YALC wrap-up video (another thing on the long list I have to do) and I did have an amazing weekend. I was surrounded by so many inspiring people all different ages. But half of me, especially on Sunday felt a bit, well, pathetic really. 

I went to the 'Publishing 101' talk on Sunday which was really interesting. It gave me an insight of how you get your novel published, and all the little steps you have to take - and it's a lot. That didn't really bother me, I knew I had a long way to go before my novel would be finished and it was just useful to get a vague idea of the process I would have to go through eventually. 

Then I planned to go to the 'Agent 1-2-1's were you got five minutes to sit down with a literary agent and ask whatever you want. I had always planned to go to this, but an hour or so before I realised I didn't really have any questions - I knew what the basis of my novel was but it is still so much in the early stages that I had nothing. My heart beat rose and I started to feel really quite anxious (not a feeling I really ever get.) So I texted my sister in a panic saying there was no point of me going etc etc and she just told me to stop being silly and just go and talk about my book.

So I did. That was the first time I ever spoke about each of the characters and the world out loud to another person. And it scared me, and almost put me off. Now the literary agent was absolutely lovely, don't get me wrong. She spoke probably about five sentences in between me rambling and those five sentences completely threw me. It got me questioning the whole world I've created. 

Fast forward to today, Thursday, after a few days of putting of writing and the glaring target of 25,000 words by Sunday I decided to sit down and write. With the aim to try and re-evaluate my world and to try and adapt something it. I opened up my document and only 10,000 words were there. I've looked everywhere but I've lost the last 6,000 words I've written and that has killed me. 

I didn't write the last 6,000 words chronologically. As I wrote snippets edited in between the words I've already written. 

I just feel like I should give up. 

And I know I shouldn't. I know this is supposed to be hard. I know it is not easy. 

But I just feel a bit lost in my story now. I have less faith in myself as a writer and world builder. And I just feel a bit of a fraud, when I mention to people 'Oh, I'm writing a novel' - but am I when I've only got 16,000  10,000 words? Not really.

I'm not fishing for compliments or motivational comments here at all. I want to showcase the ups and downs of this process. Last week I was very positive about it, this week - all I want to do is close the laptop.

Hopefully next time I'll see you with a more positive post, sorry about that! Christina x

(Also I'm aware this photo has nothing to do with this post but I just found it from two years ago and loved it.)

Catching a breath

A random collection of photo's that have little relevance to the post but I find so so pretty - Can be found on my tumblr.


I feel a bit of a block right now writing this post after what seems like so long, it's like the promise of a blank page - it's incredible because you can say what you want and, well, the world is your oyster, but on the other hand it's incredibly scary - I'm confused with how much I share with you on the internet, are you my friend? Your my friend, the people who read my blog are my friends because they read what I let them read, but are you my friend because you know my whole life? No, the internet is only a small proportion of one's life and I feel that because I have not posted in a couple of weeks, you don't know the new me. Not that I've changed drastically, I really haven't, but you haven't heard from me in a while, after a week skiing (or rather, failing to ski) of being surrounded by beautiful mountains, but also by some of my best friends, you don't know me who has been coughing her guts out the past week, croaking my words out, or who has a fear or missing out so much that I force myself to go to school and to dancing because I don't want to miss out, even if what I really needed was a day in bed to sleep and cough on my own, and probably wallow in my own self-pity from my cold - I sound so dramatic, my life really isn't that interesting!

But hat is essentially the new me - not that I've changed, but I've grown I suppose. The ski trip was full of many ups and downs, thankfully more ups than downs but it was a test of strength as well because the days skiing were extremely tiring but we went out and partied some evenings, making  the days longer, but so much better and full of so many memories.

This next week is one of the busiest but most exciting weeks I've had in a long time. It's the third and final issue of my school magazine Ink coming out - It's the first time Ink has had three issues in a year so it's so exciting to be leading it once again. I am performing in the school talent show on Thursday and Friday night which is terrifying, I'm used to dancing on a stage but not in front of school people, it will definitely be interesting! Then on Saturday I've got my big 18th party which I am sharing with Bryony, which will (cross fingers) be amazing - I'm still yet to find a dress but a hefty order from Misguided has been placed to hopefully they'll serve me well! Then on Sunday I've got a dance competition which I'm super excited for as I missed a fair amount because of my ski trip so it will be nice to perform and have a day with my dance friends.
 Hopefully when I am able to catch a breath I'll be able to shoot some outfit shots or come up with new blog idea's, I'm still as motivated as ever!

Hope you all have a good week lovelies!

Now Reading // I've just finished reading the Delirium trilogy by Lauren Oliver - It's such a good premise of the book and I really enjoyed the first two but I was slightly disappointed with the conclusion on the third book!

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Could be jogging, but I'd rather be blogging...

Jumper - Aeropostale. Jeans - Topshop. Necklace - Thomas Sabo.

Hello, Nice to see you there, it's been a while hasn't it? I'd thought I'd let you know what I'm doing when I'd rather be blogging... (Plot twist: I haven't been jogging)

 - Doing Photography work (my deadline for the coursework part of it was last Friday which was super stressful but somehow the fact that Vicky and Ella were in the same situation and we could laugh it off made it tons better, the cake also definitely helped.)

- Doing English coursework (My deadline for my whole coursework unit is next Friday and although I've nearly finished 2/3 of it, I've still got a heck of a lot more to go!)

- Writing History notes, guess what for? coursework! (Yup, more coursework - this one is just getting started so it's the blank page that is the daunting part)

- Spending every night this week at dancing (however much I love dancing I've been there every night this week and last and it's just sometimes a bit too much, especially as half the time I'm not actually dancing as I am teaching others my parts as there is a competition this half but I am away! So can't really complain about to be honest) 

So yeah, There are my excuses to why I've been absent from the blog recently! Although I've tried to be a bit more pro-active with my twitter so be sure to follow me on there to keep up with my daily musings in life. The next couple of weeks seem super super exciting but super super busy - I've got three parties coming up (one of which is Bryony and I's joint 18th!) and a week on Sunday I am going on a ski trip with school! Which I am so so excited about, I had my first ski lesson last Sunday and it was interesting....hopefully I'll get the hang of it soon. It's just going to be a great week with my best friends creating memories! 

The most recent issue of Ink (my school magazine in which I'm editor-in-chief of) came out a couple of weeks ago -I wrote two articles, one on Shakespeare and one on Taylor Swift - I'd love it if you would go and check them out and have a browse through the magazine! 

Now Reading // I Was Here by Gayle Forman - Not that far into it but it hasn't grasped me fully yet!

Now Playing // Over and over again 

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Instagram Lately #3

Sunday morning reading magazines and drinking coffee // An autumnal cosy outfit I wore last weekend to Leicester open day // Bryony and I before a party // Flashback to Chicago // My siblings and I before a family party // My outfit and a coffee early on a Saturday morning before going to Birmingham open day // A group of my friends before a party - surprisingly it wasn't black and white themed! // A selfie with my new top, hat and necklaces before Southampton open day // Flashback to Chicago.

A little montage of my life  through the lens from the last few weeks, hopefully you can see that apart from school I have been super busy with multiple university open days (lets not talk about it, bit of a stressful subject) multiple party's (I know, that social life I told you I had) ands drinking lots of coffee(It's just inevitable.) Therefore although I desperately want to apologise for my break as the guilt feels like it is literally eating me up inside I actually have an excuse for not posting - life!

It's just all caught up to me and I'm not going to lie, it is pretty darn fab at the moment. Being in the last year of school I feel like everyone in my year just has the feeling of 'hey, lets make the most of it' and be happy.' Not sure if that is just me, but apart from the work that I'm already struggling to keep up with, life is good. 

This is the first weekend in a while when I'm not going to an open day so yesterday I had a work day and today I'm going shopping then to a dance competition. So hopefully the shop will bring me back load of inspirations of future posts and outfits so we won't have to have this horrid long break!

Now Watching // This dance is amazing, literally cannot stop watching it!

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P.S. Oh, and I also failed my driving test this week, so that wasn't that great.

Thoughts, Expectations and Reality

Hello, I am actually alive. I did not plan for a week and a half long hiatus from my blog, it just kind of happened. I had a busy week last week as it was the last four days of school before summer and in the evenings I had my first full run through's of my dance show (which is coming up this weekend!) then I actually *shock horror* went out to a couple of party/gatherings so it was safe to say I was pretty damn tired.

This week I have been stuck at home in the days and have been at, what feels like my second home, my dance school in the evenings. Most of my friends from school are currently having a girly holiday in Corfu which sadly I couldn't go to because of my dance show, then because of my parents working I am stuck at home accompanied by my laptop, food and television. But you may be thinking, well why haven't you blogged Christina? But the truth is, Ive been feeling quite unmotivated. As well as not having any prime time to capture good and worthy outfit photo's I felt that I couldn't post if it was not an outfit post. However today I had a little revelation, that who cares if it isn't an outfit post? If I want to blog I should! So therefor I come to you today with a post, slightly inspired by Sonja's style of blogging, that relates my life and feelings at the moment. Let me know what you think of this type of post, I'm a bit nervous about posting it but I need to break down that barrier of what I should post and what I want to post.

Photo's and Gifs from my tumblr!

 

A couple of weeks ago my mum and I sat down on a Sunday evening to introduce ourselves into the world of Audrey. I had seen Breakfast at Tiffany's before but that was it, before that we found lurking in the back of my grandma's cupboard the 'Ultimate Audrey Hepburn collection.' After watching Funny Face and Roman Holiday we were both pleasantly surprised! The films were funny. Much more funnier that we had both imagined, therefore she is now my queen.  And also, how on point is Audrey's eyebrow game here? 

 

How beautiful is Elle Fanning? I still haven't seen Maleficent but Elle has recently been on the cover of Teen Vogue and Company and both the interviews were so interesting as well as the photoshoots,  inspiring. I especially loved the Bridgette Bardot inspired look in the Teen Vogue photoshoot, Elle just pulled it off so well and looked gorgeous!

 

As you can probably tell - I love Black and White photo's. These two photo's just ooze the 'cool' tumblr girl feel that most girls wish they had. The grunge and effortless look of the outfit on the left and the salty beachy hair on the right hand side emphasize my need and expectations for summer. 

This photo is pure perfection. My life at the moment is heavily surrounded by the image of dance. The past couple of weeks I've had evenings in the studio that start at six and go on until ten, and that's happened at least twice a week for a good few weeks. Although they have been hard and challenging, especially dancing this much during my exam period I feel like it is all going to pay off on Sunday. Our annual dance show is this weekend and I can't even explain how excited yet nervous I am for it. I want to give my teachers justice to the dances they've created as well as do myself proud as well as not let my friends down. We've all worked so hard and I really hope, well I know, it will all pay off!

A few gifs that I feel explain my expectations and dreams of a fun filled summer contrasted with the reality of me sitting at home writing this blog post about to go drink some coffee, eat a chocolate cornflake cake, re-watch Make it or Break it whilst ironing (because I'm a lovely daughter.) Isn't my life just really exciting?

But I did upload a new youtube video earlier, make sure you check it out and subscribe, pleaseeeee!

Now Playing - Nashville Season 2, Volume 2 album, especially this song.

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Thoughts of the Day

You know when you sit in an exam and have actually nothing to write? Yeah, that was me today. I had my English AS exam this morning and it was okaaaay, not great but not horrific but my History paper this afternoon was awful. I had revised and felt fairly prepared but the questions that came up were so specific and hard. I just need to forget it and focus on my two next week. Speaking of exams - sorry for the absence! I'm now on study leave, which although it means being home all day  it means when I do anything that fairly resembles relaxing, I feel bad. But afternoon 3 1/2 hours in the exam room today I felt I deserved to blog!

Pens - Before my exam today I needed to buy some pens and came across these colourful delights in Tesco. They came in a pack of 6 black and 6 different colours and they are so pretty! They made my morning just a little bit better.

Make-up - These two pieces; Rimmel Match Perfection in Ivory and Loreal's Superliner and my recent purchases. Typically lots of my make-up ran out at the same time so in to slowly build up my next stash I re-purchased my two favourites that I use most days!

Books - I recently read If I Stay and loved it, It is said to be the 'next' Fault in Our Stars and although it didn't touch me as much as TFIOS did, I re-watched the trailer and once I finished it tears were streaming down my face. But, I need recommendations! My most recents reads are Emma by Jane Austen, You before Me by Jojo Moyes, The Book Thief and If I Stay so if you have any recommendations that you figure I might like, let me know! I recently saw Jesy's instagram and am so jealous of her stash of books!

Food - During study leave I am really trying to make a conscious effort to try and eat healthy and do more exercise. I've started my motivation by watching healthy lunch ideas video like this, this  and this!This has actually made me excited to be healthy! I'm trying to substitute my unhealthy snacks with fulfilling ones - like dried cranberries and cashew nuts. Hopefully I'll be able to keep it up!

Youtube - I am fully obsessed with youtube, it's actually an unhealthy obsession! But I've recently been thinking of trying to take it up and make my own video's recently - I had a brief stint with it last summer but I'm just really tempted to shoot something in half term and see how it comes out, What do you think?

I just can not stop listening to Dan and Shay's album, it's just so chill and country!

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 P.S. Congrats if you read this far, it was an incredibly rambly post - that is what not blogging for a week does to me! I really really hope to shoot an outfit post soon so keep an eye out for one soon!

Being inspired...

Lately, I’m questioning the way my blog is going. I’ve expanded the amount and different types of blog I read. I used to always just read fashion blogs, where outfit posts were the main content. However I have recently starting reading more lifestyle and journal type posts,  as well as reading lots of different magazines from the usual circuit. From these I’ve been inspired to try and expand and improve my writing. It has also become a realisation that applying for Uni is just around the corner and looking at the different English courses there is on offer I’ve realised that it is extremely competitive and if I want to be the best I can be I need to start challenging myself by my writing.  For example, since the beginning of 2014 I have made it my aim to write in my journal every other day and I’ve started doing some more picture-y journaling inspired by some of my favourite quotes. And it has recently hit me that why don’t I share some of this on my blog? Why don’t I try and improve my writing skill through this platform I already have? 

I’ve known for a while that my blog is still developing into something I want it to be but I think I need to improve my variety and explanation of posts. Of course I will still post lots and lots about fashion but I can only post so much, as I only have a limited amount of clothes! This  will take more time and effort and with everything else going on at the moment (Dance exams, school stress) the posts might be less regular. But I need to continue this balance that I had sorted out at the beginning of the year so please just bear with me. Stick around because hopefully this development will make my blog a whole lot better!

This was a very spontaneous post and I feel quite nervous posting it! I also don't have a clue how this photo is related to it but I couldn't have a picture-less post now, could I?

Now Reading - I'm actually getting quite involved in Jane Austen's Emma, I'm a 1/3 of the way through it!

Now Playing -  Recently come across this cover again and love it as much as I did the first time!

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Wedding + Update

So just over a week ago I had the privilege to attend my very first wedding! My beautiful cousin Eleanor was getting married to Tom, it was such a unforgettable day.

1 - This photo was taken after the church service which I couldn't stop beaming in. My sister Madeleine was a bridesmaid so it was extra special seeing Eleanor and Madeleine both walk down the aisle gracefully. I was sat with the rest of my cousins and we all were mesmerised by the service. I'm not going to lie in saying they picked great hymns as well - 'Morning has broken' and 'Be thou my vision' although I couldn't compare to my little cousin William who sang his heart out during the signing of the register I did enjoy singing the hymns!

2 - A picture of the wedding car. 'Just Married.' It was so exciting seeing them come out of the church and throw confetti then wave them off in the car

3- The decorations at the receptions were set out so lovely, the flowers all complemented each other and the tables were so pretty. I especially loved the 'Mr & Mrs' decorations on the main table.  It was just such amazing day!

I have now gone back to school but, to sixth form! It's so odd! I have to wear a suit which I'm pretty sure just makes me look like a child attempting to be an adult but oh well! I must say it is nice not having any lessons to go to which you dread. But starting sixth form and going back to dance does probably mean that my blog will take a bit of a hit. I also have lots of video's that need to be edited but I just haven't got round to it. However I will sill try to post as much as I can of course but just to warn you!
Also, How excited are you for October Teen Vogue? I'm super (duper) excited as it has Hailee Steinfeld on the front and as you know I'm obsessed with her and its the young Hollywood issue which every year its my favourite!

Oooooo I feel like I have just rambled and rambled on but one more thing - I reached 500 followers on my twitter the other day and would just like to say thank you! It really pleased me and made me feel proud!

Now playing - Ariana Grande - Baby I  (How amazing are her clothes in this video?!)

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